How to use common household items
by Demented Insane Spirit
Summary: Marik, Bakura, and Yami are learning how to use household items and Yuugi and Ryou are the ones that have to teach them! Pure humor!


DIS: (clears throat) I have no excuse for not having this up earlier. Trust me, I wanted to get it up soon and I've only yet gotten inspiration for it...As well as inspiration for many other stories of mine. Ay, me, it's a bother trying to get all the bloody ideas down...Anyway! Read below and enjoy.

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Title: How to use common household items 

_Genre: Humor_

_Rating: M_

_Summary: Marik, Bakura, and Yami are learning how to use household items and Yuugi and Ryou are the ones that have to teach them! Pure humor!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, as always... (snuffle)_

_Notes/Warnings: Pure humor!; no yaoi, or shonen ai; sheer chaos as always!_

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"I'll kill you, abiou!" Marik roared as Malik shut the trunk, blocking out any other words his yami had to say.

"Here you go, Ryou," Malik told him, shoving the trunk towards Ryou and Bakura who looked morally shocked. "Er, don't let him near a camera."

"Why?" Ryou asked, blinking. Malik coughed.

"He's just had some problems with cameras." Bakura glanced at the camera on the shelf and with a devious grin, he tucked it in his pocket. Malik glanced behind him.

"Oh, Midget Number One and Midget Number Two are here. Thanks for taking care of him and I'm off now!" Malik hurried into his car and jerked the clutch forward.

CRASH.

"(o.o) Sorry about that, Ryou," Malik apologized. Ryou's jaw hung open and he groaned, raking his hands through his hair. Malik skidded out of the driveway. Yami watched him leave with slight interest, before he turned and moved through the doorway, shoving Bakura and Ryou away.

"Move aside, important person coming through," he announced. Bakura glared at him, readying himself to lunge at Yami. "Ooh, a trunk!" Yami squealed, bending down. Bakura had "conveniently" thrown himself towards Yami and flew over him, slamming into his abiou.

"...Ow," Ryou muttered, shoving him off. Yami flung the trunk open with a smile of a kid receiving a Christmas present. It faded slowly, before he stood with his hands at his sides, staring at Marik.

"Oh, it's just you," he said, deflated. Yami sighed and Marik let out a roar as Yami was about to shut it. Marik sprung out of the trunk in sudden anger.

"I'm leaving!" Bakura sprung to the door, slamming it closed, before bringing out a camera. "(OO) NO!"

FLASH

"GAHH! NO! MY EYES! MY EYES!" Marik ran from Bakura in horror, slamming into a wall, holding his eyes. "AH! MY HEAD! MY EYES! RA DAMN YOU BAKURA!"

"(OO) Wow..." Yami stared at the colors that flashed when he blinked. "Pretty colors..."

"Oh, my..." Ryou murmured, seeing that it was going to be chaotic. "All right, everyone outside! And Bakura, give me that camera."

"Never!" Bakura hugged the camera to him, grinning. "I've found his weakness, hahaha!"

"_Bakura!_" Ryou scolded.

"Mwahaha!"

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Yuugi and Ryou brought out many items from the house. They had plugged in an extension cord only seconds ago. Yami had been poking it with a stick, moving closer every bit.

"All right, everyone, attention up here. Yami, go over there by those two, will you?" Ryou asked. Yami gave the extension cord a suspicious look, before sitting next to Bakura and Marik. "Now, we have some items here. Does anyone know what they are?" Silence. "Any of your three?"

"I know that thing is flammable," Bakura pointed to the vacuum. "A part of it, at any rate."

"...Okay, let's do the vacuum first. This," Yuugi gestured to the vacuum while Ryou spoke, "is a vacuum. It is a cleaning device and sucks up dirt and other things. Observe." Yuugi plugged it in and the three yami's watched as Ryou reached down and switched something on.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"WHAT THE HELL!" Bakura roared in horror, slamming into Marik, who was scrambling to get away. Yami had shot under a bush in fear.

"I wish I knew my mommy...Then I could say I want my mommy," Yami muttered to himself.

"You guys, calm down!" Ryou turned it off and Bakura peered from in the tree. "It's not going to hurt you. Look." He turned it back on and the three tensed again. "Anyone want to try it?"

"Humph!" Bakura jumped from the tree, "I'm no coward." _This is it. I'm finally meeting my doom!_ He held the vacuum and stared at it.

"See?" The other two went forward and Bakura picked it up and made it suck on Yami's shirt.

"AWW! HELP ME YUUGI, HELP ME! IT'S SUCKING MY SOUL OUT OF ME! NOOO, I'M TOO SEXY AND IMPORTANT TO DIE! NOO!"

-.- …...

Ryou grabbed the vacuum from Bakura and shut it off.

"Ahem...That's enough of that." He turned to the cordless he got. "This is a telephone. We use it to talk to people. Observe." He dialed a number and handed it to Marik, who stared at it blankly. "Put it to your ear and when someone answers, say hello."

A voice came to the phone, "Hello?"

"(o.o) Hello...?"

"WHAT IN THE - ? Marik, I demand to know how you got my phone number!"

"(OO) Mazaki?"

"I want an explanation!"

"It's for you," Marik told Bakura.

"Oh, really?" Bakura took the phone. "...What?"

"YOU, TOO? What are you guys doing? Is this some dirty trick?"

"(o.o)...Why'd you want to talk to me? Are you in this thing?" He tapped the phone.

"(x.x) Am I in it? Ex_cuse_ me?"

"Er, let me have that back," Ryou snatched it from Bakura. "Sorry, Anzu."

"Ryou, _what_ is going on?"

"Yuugi and I are teaching our yami's and Marik how to use today's modern technology...Mostly just what is around the house."

"Ohh! Well, all right...But don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry."

"Good luck to you both."

"Thanks, bye Anzu."

"Bye." Ryou hung up and cleared his throat. "Everyone has a different phone number that you can reach them at."

"I thought you said it was called a _tele_phone," Yami asked him.

"It is, but 'phone' is the abbreviation."

"Why would you abbreviate it?"

"I...don't know."

"Don't you think that the inventor would be ashamed that you're abbreviating the original name?" Yami demanded.

"Yami, we all abbreviate it," Yuugi cut in, deciding he'd deal with his own yami.

"Then we're all disappointing...Who invented it?"

"That would be Alexander Bell, Yami."

"Oh is that so, Yuugi?" Yami suddenly brought himself up in anger. "You all are shaming Alexander, then! What did he ever do to you, Yuugi? HUH?"

"(o.o) Yami – " Yuugi began.

"No, you all _disgust_ me!" He stormed inside the house, leaving them staring after him.

"And they say _I'm_ bad," Marik muttered.

"So, anyway, to the next thing!" Ryou pushed the small TV forward and Yuugi plugged it in.

"Oh hey, that thing!" Bakura brightened, then he glared at it. "I hate that thing..."

"(oO) Er...Right." Marik gave Bakura a disturbed look.

"This is a television, but we abbreviated it to TV. It pretty much is just for entertainment. It broadcasts shows and movies. Observe." He turned it on and switched it to a channel. Bakura and Marik swayed to the right, then to the left. Yuugi blinked, watching the two rock right to left, as though transfixed.

"What are they watching?"

"I dunno," Ryou shrugged, glancing at the boat that was going back and forth. He turned the TV off and they slowly stopped going back and forth, before they looked at him. _(oO) Creepy._ "Yes, so...Right." Yami came back out and sat down, smoothing the creases in his pants. "Let's see...What should we do next, old chap?"

"Do the flashlight."

"(-.-) I'm sure they know about it."

"Yami doesn't, as far as I know."

"All right. This is – "

"Oh, hey!" Marik snatched it out of Ryou's hands. "Wanna see something cool? Er, but run as soon as it happens."

"(o.o)...Okay," Bakura said, unsure. Marik turned the flashlight, then pointed it up to the sky, before waving it back and forth and in circles, before he turned it off and stared up at the sky.

"Humph. Well, it worked last time," he grumbled, scowling in displeasure. Bakura shrugged, then he blinked, seeing a UFO land behind Marik. "Last time it was real weird because – "

"Uh, Marik..." Yami began.

"Hey, shut up, I was telling a story!" Marik scowled, smacking him with the flashlight.

"But – "

"These really weird alien things came down and had this shovels and for some reason were chasing after little kids. Kinda freaky if you ask me. HEY! Where the hell are you going?" He demanded as they ran into the house. "It wasn't that _scary_ of a story." He turned around and sighed, before his eyes shot wide. "AWW!"

"Ggggurrglle," the alien started to foam at the mouth, raising the shovel to hit him. Marik started to run to the house and he jumped through the window.

"Who votes we go in the basement and pretend this never happened?" Bakura asked. Hands shot up. "All right, I'll go with that."

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DIS: Aw, it wasn't as good as the others, but it came out 'okay,' I suppose. So! Please review and ideas for the next one would be nice.


End file.
